Conflict Resolution

Normally I tend to avoid conflicts or I look for ways to understand why a person is aggressive in tone and actions before I respond.  We have an administrator who thinks herself more highly than the others of us and this is transferred in all actions. She delegates her duties in demanding ways and likes to treat you like a child as if you are not capable of thinking and making wise decisions. She approached me on several occasions about various things this week that would have usually really triggered me to be really upset; but instead I used the 3R’s and it has being working quite well. This type of conflict is ‘power dynamics’ (when one person has power over another, that dynamic can cause one or both of the people to handle the conflict unproductively (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2009). In order to solve this conflict, I used strategies which included keeping the focus on the issue of the administrator using her power to demand and expect me to do whatever she tells me to do. It was best to include cooperative strategies that would strive to benefit both parties. In addition, the administrator would benefit from learning about the 3 R's. A demonstration from the

3 R's would help her to learn the importance of being respectful of others.  

"NVC offers practical, concrete skills for manifesting the purpose of creating connections of compassionate giving and receiving based in a consciousness of interdependence and power with others. These skills include:

1. Differentiating observation from evaluation, being able to carefully observe what is happening free of evaluation, and to specify behaviors and conditions that are affecting us;

2. Differentiating feeling from thinking, being able to identify and express internal feeling states in a way that does not imply judgment, criticism, or blame/punishment;

3. Connecting with the universal human needs/values (e.g. sustenance, trust, understanding) in us that are being met or not met in relation to what is happening and how we are feeling; and

4. Requesting what we would like in a way that clearly and specifically states what we do want (rather than what we don’t want), and that is truly a request and not a demand (i.e. attempting to motivate, however subtly, out of fear, guilt, shame, obligation, etc. rather than out of willingness and compassionate giving)."

 Non-violent communication tactics work much better and you feel better about yourself for using them. I highly recommend any and every one to re-evaluate their communication style and make the necessary changes.